My Birthday

Was actually NOT TOO BAD! I ended up inviting some 16 year old girl who was a total flake thinking I may HELP HER CONFIDENCE.. but I dont know if I have the patience for her...

Jacob And Shayla came which made me really happy. I really like Shayla alot. I just wish we could hang out more. When we first started hanging out I felt Like a total douche. I felt like she only was being nice so I didnt have to be bored while the guys played their games && really didnt like me at all. Its nice to have friends though and after losing contact with most almost all of mine... I'm glad to have Shayla as stupid as that sounds.

The day wasnt a total waste. I didnt really expect to have a party like that. Didnt really think it was a big deal all I wanted was just a couple of friends to hang out with and shit. Some of the kids annoyed me alot but whatever...

Didnt really even want Dylon to come... Im just getting tired of hanging out with 16 and 17 year olds... Do I sound like an old lady for saying that? Geez

I was surprised when Jacob told me he took a day off work to come... To be honest I really only invited him to be nice and for Aaron to have a friend to hang with... I never really thought Jacob thought to much of me.. But even if he did take off work just so Shayla could come or something that was really nice of him..

I guess I never really noticed how nice of a person Jacob was until just the other day...

Most of the time I hung out with Shayla and just Bullshit with her. It was nice though.. Still a bit depressing my family couldnt even come or say happy birthday... but I guess if you really look at the situation and how I am... I think most of my insecurities come from them...

How I dont feel like Im good enough for people to gather for JUST MY BIRTHDAY or whatever... Im trying to over come that...

But whatever right.. they might come around eventually.. and if they dont.. I know I will probally be the one to give in again.. My heart is just to big for my chest anymore...