Intoxicated

Intoxicated, I am happy.
Intoxicated, I am happy.
bahahahah'

I had a poem thinger like ready and shit.. but idr the rest......................
:)

Bipolar Panda Bear

Morning.. Bipolar & still aggitated.. My fault.
Evening.. Arguement... over a phone... My fault?
After Work... Arguement over phone... Annoyed..
Walmart.. decided not to get phone and gave in.. My Fault.
Night time... happy. No arguements.

....

Goodnight.

New Friends

I just recently started chatting with Pastor Neil Rinker.. He is nice. Seems pretty laid back, our conversations dont revolve around god constantly. He tells me alot about his life and such. It surprises him how much he can tell me I think. I guess I have that affect on some people. Alot of people come to me for vent, advice, or just a friend to talk to.

Also Tyler Mills and I have started speaking. Funny how so many people I never associated with in High School can turn out to be such nice people. :)

I also started talking with Everett. He told me he always thought I was a stuck up bitch in High School. I guess I always walked around looking pissed off at the world. I hated my life in High School. So it is understandable. I look back now and wonder.. why I hated my life? Teenage hormones? Mood Swings? Who knows. I prefer to not think about it.

All of these people have something in common though. Their opinions of me are flattering. They all say the same thing. Almost like it is rehearsed for my own self-esteem. I wonder if I would have spoken to these people more in the past if they would have all had the same opinions of me or would have grown tired of me and eventually lost contact? hmm... Something to ponder on.

Fatigue

I am fatigued.
No energy.
A bit light headed from time to time.
All I have had today was a jello cup and it is 5:10 p.m.
Yet I am not hungry.
The fact that I can't eat may be the reason I feel the way I do.
I can't think properly... I keep spacing out and my eyes won't stay focused..
I just got a glass of lemonade and the lemon shavings about made me gag... I am definatly not eating now.

Is it bad that I don't care? The fact that this is an everyday thing that I don't really eat... IS unhealthy.. Yes, BUT Any other day I at least eat once, then piece around. The only differnce between today and yesterday is, I just don't feel well and I'm not eating at all. It's only one day. Not like one day will kill me. Besides... this is making my stomach shrink, therefore I eat less, then I am less likely to gain weight back so easily.

I feel as if I could possibly get sick, but I have no food in my system to throw up. bleh.

Lost Weight..

I lost weight..
I am happy.
I really didnt do it the healthy way.. I just have no appetite.. I eat.. Once a day and snack around the rest of the day..
I need to keep this in check, Not let it get to far. So I'm not underweight again.
I just have no appetite at all anymore.
I can't say I am not happy that I am losing weight though. :)

Annoyed

I am learning I really can't trust ANYONE.
No matter who it is.. how much I think they are my friend.
They usually end up fake, using me, or two face.

hmmm... I trust to easily. I try to say I trust no one. But As soon as I find a liking to someone I don't think I want to believe that they are shitbricks.

Whatever. I am going to keep my piece of mind. I just don't want to care. I will not allow myself to get upset over such a petty thing.

Anyways, I slept in the garage again last night. Aaron was on his game again and I couldnt sleep. He woke me up at 5am for me to come to bed....
2nd night in a row I slept out there.

I got a bit testy with him this morning. Because of the time he had finally decided to depart from his game... He said next time he just won't come get me.... And I said..."Don't"

I don't think he could fall asleep without me. So he will still come in there to fetch me for bed. I am beginning to enjoy solitude more.

Pet Peeves

I have been wanting to write out this list for a while now. I just havent gotten around to it. So here goes.

Pet Peeves

#1 I can't stand it when people eat with their mouths open, chew loudly, talk with food in their mouths, or have to lick each and every finger loudly while eating.

#2 Two-face people.. Don't be fake.. Just say what you think. That shit is childish.

#3 People that are fake...

#4 When people pick at their toes... That's just nasty.. get the damn toenail clippers!

#5 When people try to put their noses in other peoples business.

#6 Liars.

#7 Preppy girls.

#8 Stuck up arrogant guys.

#9 When people make fun of other people rudely when the other person has done nothing wrong.

#10 Bullies.

#11 When people try to put you in their business and try to get you to be their "Spy" for someone else. To find things out.

#12 People that talk shit behind your back.. online.. through a phone.. But never to your face. Just say it to my face and man up!

#13 The number six.

#14 Being falsely accused.

#15 When people that are of age talk like a baby all the time.

#16 When people say one thing and do another.

#17 When people say that they are your friend when they really aren't.

#18 People constantly judging others.

#19 Being Confused.

#20 Being told what to do all the time.

#21 Being told Who I am.. What I am going to do.. And how things are going to be.

#22 Arguements that could be avoided.

#23 Anyone that has inside jokes about you that are obviously making fun of you.. But they won't admit it.

#24 Friends that are only your friend when they need "entertainment."

#25 Constantly being reminded of a mistake.

#26 When people won't talk to you.. tell you what is wrong.. Instead of avoiding the situation. Have a conversation about it like and adult to fix the damn problem.

#27 When people text when you are trying to have a serious conversation.

#28 Talking badly about my Family.No matter how stupid they can be. Only I can say bad things about them.

#29 Talking badly about my friends.

#30 People that think they are always right.

#31 Telling me how to live my life.

#32 Anyone that logs onto my account and doesnt tell me.

#33 Reading over my shoulder.

#34 Constantly tryin to act innocent when you come in the room... But really you're trying to see what I am doing.

#35 Being interrogated constantly over small stupid things.

#36 Talking like a valley girl.. THAT IS ONLY OKAY FOR A GAY MAN!

#37 Users.

#38 Anyone that just.. Can't let go.

#39 When I can't put my foot down with things.

#40 Feeling Trapped.

#41 Not knowing what I want.

#42 Having to rely on others for something I want or need.

#43 Not having my own income, or job.

#44 Not having my own transportation.

#45 Not being able to do what I want when I want to do it.

#46 People that make a big deal out of stupid shit. Get over it. Your life isnt ending.. Other people are alot worse off than you are.

#47 People interupting me in a conversation.

#48 If I have to repeat myself more then five times.. there is no point in saying it.

#49 Moochers.

#50 Feeling like a mooche.

#51 Acid Relfex.

#52 Shitty waitresses.

#53 Being rushed.

#54 If you procrasinate.. When I NEED to be somewhere.. That pisses me off. HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ALREADY!

#55 People that wont own up to their mistakes.

#56 Hypocrites.

#57 People that say one thing... but won't admit that they said it later on.

#58 Bible humpers.

#59 Anyone that trys to shuve their religion down your throat.. No matter what my faith is.. or if I have any.. That is my business. No one elses. I don't want to hear how I sin. How I SHOULD get baptized. How I SHOULD BE. If GOD wanted perfection.. He wouldnt have allowed us to make our own mistakes.

#60 Mood swings.

#61 Not being taken seriously.

#62 Trying to plead a case thats pointless.

#63 Being brought in the middle of shit then getting blamed.

#64 People that think they do no damn wrong.

#65 People that take part in the wrong doing but then say something completly stupid about the other person like it was all them..

#66 The number sixty-six

#67 People that don't make their kids mind.

#68 People that have others fight their battles for them.

#69 I hate the way I am now.

#70 Not being able to think of anymore let alone wanting to write anymore

Kit Kat

I am tired and a little bit random.
I like being vague.
It helps me keep more to myself but yet still get something out.
:)

My last blog made me crave a kit kat bar.
Craving a Kit Kat Bar reminds me of my old Nick Name... Kitty.
Kitty reminds me of That 70s show.
Which makes me have hopes of being that cute when I am older.
There is only one person that still calls me Kitty.. And That is Elayne.
I miss Elayne..

hmm.. I think I may go to bed. I have a lot on my mind. But I think I will keep it all there. Locked away safe inside my own head.
I like it that way.

People get annoyed if you start to ramble on and on about your life and problems.
I don't know why I started back up.
Even if they say the arent annoyed they are, They are either just being polite.. or Psycho Analyzing you.

And I don't like either of those. I would rather be told to shut the hell up rather than deal with your politeness of not really caring. And I don't believe in Psycho Analyzing. I think its all a load of bull. Psychiatrist are full of shit also. Want to know why I think this way? Ask me. I will blog about it.

This time I am throwing away the key. :)
No more opening up to people for me. I am a better listener anyways.

Break Time.

I am a little confused.
Maybe the break is a good thing. Let's try it.

hmm..