My Birthday

Was actually NOT TOO BAD! I ended up inviting some 16 year old girl who was a total flake thinking I may HELP HER CONFIDENCE.. but I dont know if I have the patience for her...

Jacob And Shayla came which made me really happy. I really like Shayla alot. I just wish we could hang out more. When we first started hanging out I felt Like a total douche. I felt like she only was being nice so I didnt have to be bored while the guys played their games && really didnt like me at all. Its nice to have friends though and after losing contact with most almost all of mine... I'm glad to have Shayla as stupid as that sounds.

The day wasnt a total waste. I didnt really expect to have a party like that. Didnt really think it was a big deal all I wanted was just a couple of friends to hang out with and shit. Some of the kids annoyed me alot but whatever...

Didnt really even want Dylon to come... Im just getting tired of hanging out with 16 and 17 year olds... Do I sound like an old lady for saying that? Geez

I was surprised when Jacob told me he took a day off work to come... To be honest I really only invited him to be nice and for Aaron to have a friend to hang with... I never really thought Jacob thought to much of me.. But even if he did take off work just so Shayla could come or something that was really nice of him..

I guess I never really noticed how nice of a person Jacob was until just the other day...

Most of the time I hung out with Shayla and just Bullshit with her. It was nice though.. Still a bit depressing my family couldnt even come or say happy birthday... but I guess if you really look at the situation and how I am... I think most of my insecurities come from them...

How I dont feel like Im good enough for people to gather for JUST MY BIRTHDAY or whatever... Im trying to over come that...

But whatever right.. they might come around eventually.. and if they dont.. I know I will probally be the one to give in again.. My heart is just to big for my chest anymore...

Headache :(

I have a headache from hell.. Aarons at work && I'm really thinking about just laying back down. I haven't blogged forever so I thought I would rant a bit. I have been sick for the last three days. Friday is my dads birthday. Sheila && I were going to bake him his favorite cake, German Chocolate. I can't get ahold of anyone in my family so once again they are ignoring me. My sister is being a bitch again. She gets pissed that I can't go see her without Aaron by my side and says he is too controlling. I'm just so tired of everyone constanly trying to run my life for me. I am a grown independent woman I can make decisions on my own. Whether that be who I choose to be with, what I do with my life, Or just what I want to fucking eat for gods sake.

I guess Friday I bake the cake... sign the card... && if they aren't home leave it on the porch. Mom said that Dad had the weekend of his birthday off... but I'm sure they "WON'T BE HOME."

This shit is so petty and childish.. Maybe I would come around a lot more often if everyone would get their heads out of their ass and accept each other.

Maybe I should pray more... Then again... even God won't sway opinions. Am I in the wrong? Seems like to everyone else I am... No matter what I do.. where I'm at I'm always fucking up in their eyes...

JOY! Imagine the wedding!

True Happiness Is just a Fucking Illusion.

Its 4am Aaron & some kid I dont know are playing Left for Dead, and Jacobs snoring asleep. Shayla was nice enough to let me play on her laptop again. Aaron always randomly asks her. I go my 200 invites and 100 post for VF while I was on good net so thats good. Aaron had me go get him a damned ham sandwich and I had a horrible headache he couldnt get off his butt and stop playing the game to get it himself...brat. I hate getting in other peoples shit or fridge when I dont know their family really well. I called Sam today she is back in Indiana so I may see her really soon. Saturday she is having a graduation party because she is finnishin veterian college. So I gotta go to Salamonia. That should be entertaining. Because Aaron hates Sams sisters babys daddy John...wow that was alot to say...but anyways...yeah Aaron like makes everything all awkward and pissy when he is around people he doesnt like.

So yeah...Im just gonna tell him to cool his jets. I still have a headache. And Aaron keeps talkn in the mic and saying dorky ass shit. Yeah...seriously he really gets in his games...I really never hated video games till I got with him. Now I dont see the point in them.. Well...I mean...all the time.. but w.e. thats his thing. I love his dork ass.

I think Im going to try to sleep now :(
Aaron just said he wasnt even tired...Idk If I can sleep without him. He is all in game mode so it will be a while.....

Nite

Boreddddddd

I'm bored again... Ugh Its almost 1 am Aaron is actually playing WoW again so thats good. Gives him something to keep him entertained. I got an Offline message from Shayla on msn telling me to add her on here & comment her so I did. I soppose I dont really mind if she reads it. No biggy, She's cool...I GUESS haha jp But yeah her profile is cool =\ I like hers better than mine. She's good with that shit. I may ask her to make me a banner for mine...But then again..I guess I just did.. Cuz she will probally read this...So there.. Shayla will you make me a kickass banner for the top of my profile? Lol

Yeah.. Aaron found a new band so that's good. All they need is a singer now because the guy that WAS the singer was an asshole and everyone in the band left him THANK GOD. Aaron said he is going to make me the manager because when they go to play places and get paid we would get more money since we share and all... So technically its just a label to get more money.. I have been Labeled. Yay...

I went to my parents tonight... & I dont think mom really wanted to see me because Dad said she was "Sick" and when I got there she was in bed even though it was like 9:00pm Either they think I'm an utter idiot or they just dont care. Because I know when Mom says she is "SICK" & stays in bed its only because she doesnt want to talk or see those people that come over. I've covered for her plenty of times. Ever since Dad cheated on Mom and I was the one put IN THE MIDDLE & forced with decision whether to tell Mom or not...Dads been wrapped around Moms finger..Its not the same anymore and it really hurts. I miss being Daddys Little Girl.

I mean Yeah Its great their marraige is getting better. They are acually going out on dates and going places having lives...But I know Mom.. She is going to hold it over Dad for the rest of his life. I think he is getting brain washed. He didnt act the same. It wasnt the same tonight when we watched wrestling together. Used to whenever I would watch wrestling with Dad I would feel like that little girl again... and we would talk and laugh and Dad would just joke around about everything... Now its differnt. Im grown up & Dads getting older.

He's not the same... it's like he is a differnt person.. He paid more attention to the damned dog then he did me. Dad was never the type of person to show much affection to an animal when others were around. Its like he was trying to make a statement. Like..as stupid as it sounds...Like that damned mut had replaced me. =(

I dont feel good enough to be Daddys Little Girl anymore. And It sucks. It hurts alot. All My life.. ever since he took me out of Foster Care & I've lived with him and Deb... Its been a damned competion to her. She would get so pissed if Daddy paid more attention to me..If we TALKED about wrestling together. Well she's won. She has him. She told me a while back... Dad said he had two daughters & they are both dead. His other daughter died when she was a baby. That hurt alot. Mom told me not to tell Dad she told me. But I wonder what he would say If I did? Anytime I go down there they have something to say that I have done wrong. I try to keep contact. But its always ME that has to call THEM. If I don't they stop talking to me completly. I love my family and I try so hard to do whats right. Anymore I dont know what the fuck is right. They say I'm immature... & they get so angry when I say they are...but I can't come out and say exactly what I think. I know how they will react and how it will come down to how I'm saying mean things and being a spoiled brat. I never really hardly stick up to my parents. The biggest thing I've done sticking up to them was leaving and being with Aaron when they told me if I wanted to be with him then I can leave.

I guess as long as Im with Aaron im just going to have to deal with the back and forth bullshit. I dont know anymore. Its like they hate me. Then they love me..then they want nothing to do with me. What the hell? Guess I have to just look back and remember the good times and try and stay strong and hope eventually things get better. =(

I wish I had my own car. Sheila said she would look up grants for Beauty College in Ft Wayne & help me go... & If I go I have an automatic job where I tan for an Intership all set up doing nails and hair and shit. But I need a CAR to get their.. & I knowwww mom and dad wont give me mine. And If I tell them why I need it then they are going to want to change plans or do SOMETHING to keep strings attached. so gay.

Oh well I just hope it works out =P Wow this is the longest blog Ive actually typed so far. Go me. I think Im going to get my post on VF and log.

Nite

Aaron is one the phone with cheyenne :) He may get in another band. Im happy for him. The stupid internet keeps being a douche I cant hardly do anything Its starting to piss me off. I have a little bit of cherry vodka left so I made myself a drink...Yeah Its 1 am... but so what? I slept most of the day because I had a fever. Im watching Adult Swim and some weird ass show called "Look Around You" just came on...It keeps going in and out thought because of the weather :(

Stupid weather. Fuckin up my tv and net connection >=(
Well Im gonna see If I cant do SOMETHING on here & hope this posts.

Nite

At a friends

Im at Rins right now and its about 1 am. We will probally be leaving soon. Aarons playing WoW. Ive had a pretty good time so far :)

Rin & I went to the park across from her house because it was actually nice enough today. I miss doing that =]

There was a little grey cat there and I named it Titty Lol. Yeah It was adorable Everytime we called it would come straight to us. It tried to follow us home :( I wanted to take it home so bad but I know I cant.

Rin Just forgot there was popcorn in the microwave ha So we will probally eat that then me and Aaron will probally head home. We borrowed movies so we can have more movie nights Just wish we had popcorn at home Aaron doesnt like it but I do lol

Nite

Annoyed

I have a HUGE headache & I have no idea why. Im super drained & annoyed at Aaron. Thats pretty much it...yep

Just A Cut Up Angel

It's 12:40 am and I will probally be going to bed real soon. I never really knew about this site until I saw Shayla had it. I thought it would be really cool so she sent me a link. Aarons being a brat about it though lol. Making sure EVERYONE KNOWS IM ENGAGED AND NO ONE HITS ON ME!!! Yeah it's kind of annoying when people have to consistently hit on you when you tell them you have a significant other and dont really want that. It really pisses Aaron off. But I know it's because he loves me.

Im glad I have him XD
He was being a dork earlier it was so funny. He said he knows how to talk in a new language.... "Shit Latin"

Yeah...He farted "I Love you" Lol Kind of disturbing..... I love him either way tho :P We always have the most fun being idiots together. We will always just be two big idiots. Its great. I cant wait to marry him.