Boreddddddd

I'm bored again... Ugh Its almost 1 am Aaron is actually playing WoW again so thats good. Gives him something to keep him entertained. I got an Offline message from Shayla on msn telling me to add her on here & comment her so I did. I soppose I dont really mind if she reads it. No biggy, She's cool...I GUESS haha jp But yeah her profile is cool =\ I like hers better than mine. She's good with that shit. I may ask her to make me a banner for mine...But then again..I guess I just did.. Cuz she will probally read this...So there.. Shayla will you make me a kickass banner for the top of my profile? Lol

Yeah.. Aaron found a new band so that's good. All they need is a singer now because the guy that WAS the singer was an asshole and everyone in the band left him THANK GOD. Aaron said he is going to make me the manager because when they go to play places and get paid we would get more money since we share and all... So technically its just a label to get more money.. I have been Labeled. Yay...

I went to my parents tonight... & I dont think mom really wanted to see me because Dad said she was "Sick" and when I got there she was in bed even though it was like 9:00pm Either they think I'm an utter idiot or they just dont care. Because I know when Mom says she is "SICK" & stays in bed its only because she doesnt want to talk or see those people that come over. I've covered for her plenty of times. Ever since Dad cheated on Mom and I was the one put IN THE MIDDLE & forced with decision whether to tell Mom or not...Dads been wrapped around Moms finger..Its not the same anymore and it really hurts. I miss being Daddys Little Girl.

I mean Yeah Its great their marraige is getting better. They are acually going out on dates and going places having lives...But I know Mom.. She is going to hold it over Dad for the rest of his life. I think he is getting brain washed. He didnt act the same. It wasnt the same tonight when we watched wrestling together. Used to whenever I would watch wrestling with Dad I would feel like that little girl again... and we would talk and laugh and Dad would just joke around about everything... Now its differnt. Im grown up & Dads getting older.

He's not the same... it's like he is a differnt person.. He paid more attention to the damned dog then he did me. Dad was never the type of person to show much affection to an animal when others were around. Its like he was trying to make a statement. Like..as stupid as it sounds...Like that damned mut had replaced me. =(

I dont feel good enough to be Daddys Little Girl anymore. And It sucks. It hurts alot. All My life.. ever since he took me out of Foster Care & I've lived with him and Deb... Its been a damned competion to her. She would get so pissed if Daddy paid more attention to me..If we TALKED about wrestling together. Well she's won. She has him. She told me a while back... Dad said he had two daughters & they are both dead. His other daughter died when she was a baby. That hurt alot. Mom told me not to tell Dad she told me. But I wonder what he would say If I did? Anytime I go down there they have something to say that I have done wrong. I try to keep contact. But its always ME that has to call THEM. If I don't they stop talking to me completly. I love my family and I try so hard to do whats right. Anymore I dont know what the fuck is right. They say I'm immature... & they get so angry when I say they are...but I can't come out and say exactly what I think. I know how they will react and how it will come down to how I'm saying mean things and being a spoiled brat. I never really hardly stick up to my parents. The biggest thing I've done sticking up to them was leaving and being with Aaron when they told me if I wanted to be with him then I can leave.

I guess as long as Im with Aaron im just going to have to deal with the back and forth bullshit. I dont know anymore. Its like they hate me. Then they love me..then they want nothing to do with me. What the hell? Guess I have to just look back and remember the good times and try and stay strong and hope eventually things get better. =(

I wish I had my own car. Sheila said she would look up grants for Beauty College in Ft Wayne & help me go... & If I go I have an automatic job where I tan for an Intership all set up doing nails and hair and shit. But I need a CAR to get their.. & I knowwww mom and dad wont give me mine. And If I tell them why I need it then they are going to want to change plans or do SOMETHING to keep strings attached. so gay.

Oh well I just hope it works out =P Wow this is the longest blog Ive actually typed so far. Go me. I think Im going to get my post on VF and log.

Nite