How much longer?

I am really starting to feel like I am never going to get a job. It is really starting to bring me down. I hate having to rely on everyone else for my wants and needs. Everything in my life is slowly getting better. My family and I are taking again. We are all on good terms. Mom and Dad plan to take me and Aaron to Florida in October and Kings Island or Indiana Beach in July. My nephew is staying the night tommorow and going to Decatur with us Saturday to watch Aaron at Taekwondo.

I am taking him to DZ Gaming to look for a new Pokemon game. I have been slowly putting my foot down more with things. I have been walking around with Shayla in Decatur while Aaron is in class. So I don't have to sit there bored. Aaron and my relationship is getting better, but my life is still lacking. I feel like a bum. I want out of this house. I want my own place. I need a car. I need a job.

I am going to be twenty-one and I have all of these goals that seem so unattainable. If I had a car it would be so much easier for me. Sometimes I really wish I never moved out of my parents house, and I wish I would have just pushed for my relationship more without leaving. If I had done everything differntly I would still have a car, a job, my own money, and possibly be in college.

I just wish I could get a job somewhere, anywhere. I am two hops and a skip from just going to Red Gold whether Sheila and Aaron like it or not. Aaron doesn't want me in a factory because of "guys" and them hitting on me. Sheila and Aaron BOTH don't want me at Red Gold because of all of the perverted mexicans and things that go on there.

I am a grown woman. I think I am capable of making my own decisions. I trust myself, why can't they trust me as well? Just because there are questionable things at a work place doesn't mean I am going to take part in them. Just because a man hits on me doesn't mean I am going to allow it. I am and always have been completly faithful to Aaron. I just wish he could see I can take care of myself and that I am not completly helpless.

I need to mustar up the courage to just put my foot down and stand my ground and just try at Red Gold anyways. Sheila seems to think that I am not going to be able to HANDLE a hard working job. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A HARD WORKER! I just haven't had a job since I have lived here so no one could really see that to make their accusations.

I don't know how much longer I can take this. Sitting around and doing nothing. I am not the type of person that likes not doing anything. I don't like having to rely on everyone else to take care of me. I want my independence back. I want my life back. I want my damn bank account back!

I need a swimsuit, I want my hair back to my natural color, I need clothes, I need a car, I need my own place, and all of these things are so far out of my reach. I know as soon as I go to Red Gold it is going to be an argument with Aaron. He is going to get angry with me again and tell me how I am going back on my word. How I promised we would compromise where I work. How I wouldn't work at a factory. I can't help to go back on my word. Especially since I didn't want to give it anyways. Not over something so silly. Not when it is something that I really want for myself. I need this job, any job really. How much longer can I wait before losing my sanity?

We are never going to have anything if niether of us can work. I am getting so frustrated at my situation. I just had Sheila take me to the factory down the road from us... I was about to walk in and their was a sign on the door that said "We are not accepting applications" Great right?

IS ANYONE ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS?! AM I EVER GOING TO MOVE FORWARD IN MY LIFE?! Three years with out a job is to damn long. I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown but I won't let myself stoop that damn low. I swear I am never going to cry over anything ever again. I am never going to let my tears fall. As long as I can help it. Im just going to keep on smiling and trying to remember someone else out there has it worse off than I do.... Someone..

I am not looking forward to an argument.